


Vader's Dancer

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond, fulvad, otp, vadful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Ahsoka, one of the few surviving Jedi after the purge, has been in hiding for fifteen years. She didn’t get involved in the rebellion; she kept her head down doing her best to be forgotten. But then she started hearing rumors about a new Imperial weapon and could no longer ignore what was happening. She decides to go undercover aboard an Imperial battle cruiser as the officer entertainment hoping to learn something useful. It was the easiest way to hide who she’d once been since aliens stood out in the Empire. But her world is turned upside down when the Imperial that notices her turns out to be her former Jedi master. Except he’s nothing like she’d known him and after years of mourning with the silent hope he still lived, she’s finally forced to face the truth. Anakin is dead. In his place a terrifying Sith lord.After the crushing blow from the final heartbreak, she’s too numb to resist when Lord Vader asks her to stay and she decides her fate could be so much worse. She forgets her mission and devotes herself to him. Can she learn to love him? Will she discover that more of Anakin survived than she’d originally thought? Maybe she’s exactly what he needed. Or maybe they’ll just be lost and broken together.





	Vader's Dancer

          “Is this your first time?” the blue twi’lek that had been walking ahead of her asked, as they were led down the corridor. She stopped scanning her surroundings and focused on her.  _First time on a cruiser? No. First time on an Imperial cruiser as the officer entertainment?_

          “Yes,” she replied simply. Nobody needed to know why she was really here. Nor did she want to make friends. But unfortunately, the easiest way to gain access to the information she sought was to pretend she was no threat. She glanced down at the small top and sexy skirt she was wearing. And sometimes that meant doing things you would normally never do. What would her fellow Jedi think of her if they were alive to see her now? Despite leaving the order years earlier, she’d tried her hardest to continue living by their code; convinced her fallen faith had only been in the council not their doctrine. But after so long on the run, in hiding, playing pretend… She really had no idea  _what_  she was anymore.

          It had been long enough now, the clones had been replaced by stormtroopers, the Republic replaced by the Empire. The Jedi order all but forgotten in the memory of the new generation. The only advantage to that was that most people had forgotten she’d ever existed. Or at least most of the people she’d known. They were long gone. She’d kept her head down, done everything possible not to draw attention to herself. She’d never gotten involved in Senator Organa’s rebellion, preferring to live in anonymity as much as possible. She even rarely used the force nowadays except to meditate.

          With the price still on the heads of surviving Jedi, it was brazen to walk right onto an Imperial cruiser, but as she’d assumed, slaves or entertainers were even more invisible than droids. But even if any of the officers recognized her, what would they do? Reporting her meant they’d have to explain to their superiors what they were even doing there anyways. Something that she’d come to learn was a sticky situation within the Empire hierarchy. Certain debauchery was overlooked if you had a high enough rank. Nobody told on anyone else. Most people turned a blind eye to their presence.

          But despite her outfit being sexier than she was used to, compared to the other four girls in front of her, she was overdressed. But it wasn’t like she’d had a lot of time to plan this opportunity, or a lot of experience with what doing this even meant.  
          “I figured by the way you were dressed,” the twi’lek continued. “That outfit is pretty, but it doesn’t show off enough skin.” They turned a corner and were told to wait before entering the officer lounge. “But you look plenty nervous, so they’ll overlook that thinking they’re scoring a first timer.”

          She stared at the girl for a moment, unsure exactly how to respond to what she’d just said. Okay, so she knew she wasn’t dressed like the others, but first timer? She’d thought they were just here to dance, maybe be felt up a bit, show off… but more than that was expected? She should have known better. She’d planned that she would have to entertain an officer one-on-one, but she’d figured once they were alone, she’d easily be able to escape their clutches and go looking for the intel she’d come here for. 

          She had no idea why she’d agreed to risk her neck on this, but the rumors she’d heard were far too terrible to ignore no matter how much she’d tried to stay out of it. “You don’t mean?” She must have made a disgusted face because the girl laughed.

          “We’re _dancers_ ,” the twi’lek said, “but if they want more, they get more.” 

          She’d never been more grateful for a conversation to be interrupted than she was when the officer called them in. She had a hunch if given the opportunity, she’d have received a very thorough lesson on how to make a man happy. But instead she was told to stop on one side of the room, in line with the other four girls while a handful of imperials had turned and were suddenly ogling at them. The other girls, resigned or used to this life, immediately plastered smiles on their faces, showed off their assets and flirtatiously waved at the men that were moving towards them. 

          She stood there awkwardly, feeling weirder by the minute. Once, a long time ago, she’d had the confidence that she was something attractive or appealing to others. Now though, she’d been so far removed from most normal contact other than basic necessities, she didn’t have a clue how to present herself. At first she was somewhat ignored as the girls that were showing off, got all the attention. She took the opportunity to glance around the room. Besides the five men that had migrated towards them, another held a heated conversation in the back corner with something masked and completely in black. 

          She recognized him as Lord Vader, one of the Emperor’s many lackeys, but otherwise knew nothing about him. In fact, she didn’t even know if he was a person. He was completely covered from head to toe, no skin or anything visible. There were control panels on the vest of his suit, and more buttons attached to his belt. But even without using the force she could sense a force presence around him. She instantly closed down anything that would give her away as a force user. The last thing she needed was this Lord Vader noticing her. 

          A short squat man stepped in her view and she was forced to look at him instead. He had a smug and disgusting smirk on his face as he looked her over like she was nothing more than a piece of cargo. “Look at this fellas,” he said with a laugh. “We got us a modest one.” Suddenly too many eyes turned on her and she instantly flushed. What had she even been thinking coming here? She squeezed her eyes shut as his thick stubby fingers reached for her. But she waited and waited, and they never touched her. Then she heard a choking sound that slowly turned into silent gasping and she popped her eyes back open to see the man grasping desperately at his throat. 

          She stared at him in horror and confusion and nervously took a step backwards. Before she had a chance to wonder what was going on, his lifeless body collapsed on the ground in front of her and the view was instantly obscured by black boots and a billowing cape. She glanced up to see Vader standing in front of her, his hand still in a fist from the force choke. The helmet obscured his eyes, but she felt the intensity with which he was staring at her. 

          She shifted nervously, unsure how to react. Despite trying to hide herself in the force, she’d somehow captured his attention anyways. But to kill a man over his choice of dancers? It didn’t make any sense. And scarier than that, everyone else had simply turned away as though they weren’t at all witnessing this too. Was it that common of an occurrence? He dropped his fist and grabbed her hand before she had a chance to react and the next thing she knew, she was being led out of the room.

          “I guess Vader wanted the first timer,” she heard the blue twi’lek whisper.

          “I didn’t even know he got urges like that.”

          “I thought he was a droid.” 

          She didn’t hear any more as she was pulled out of the room, scurrying to keep his pace. She didn’t know what was happening or why he’d singled her out. She didn’t even know where they were going. Everyone they passed looked a different direction, and she tried not to think about what the stormtroopers were saying to each other through their helmet tightlines. Despite not being ogled at anymore, she felt more exposed than ever as she was led down one long hallway to another. She tried to use the opportunity to learn anything she could along the way, but they were moving so fast, she couldn’t gather anything useful. 

          He led her into a hanger and onto a shuttle a few minutes later and she had no choice but to obey. She was in no position to resist or to overpower someone like him. She had the force, but no lightsabers and if he could take the life of an officer in less than a minute, she’d hardly hold a candle to him.

          He pushed her down into a chair and started the ship preparing for takeoff. Had she been recognized after all? Was this somebody that had known her or knew to look for her? Had she not hidden her abilities well enough or had she simply, like the twi’lek had said, been a first timer and that happened to be his preference? Though based on the others’ reactions, she suspected Vader choosing an entertainer wasn’t common. 

          She didn’t get much of a chance to wonder though, because as soon as they’d flown out the shield of the cruiser, she’d felt a sharp jolt in her side and everything went black. 

          She felt weightless but too groggy to panic. She saw glimpses of black and white and grey. Nothing came into focus right away, but she could still feel Vader. She became aware of his arms behind her back and under her legs. His heavy rasping breathing. The darkness that surrounded him. And then she felt the air shifting; becoming suddenly stagnant and thick. She heard the suction of a door sealing behind them. 

          Then she felt her feet put on the ground and the sudden need to put weight on them as he released her. She staggered for a moment but finally managed to stand upright. Her head was spinning a bit and she had no idea where she was. But since she was still dressed, she could only assume that was the reason she’d been knocked unconscious. She wasn’t supposed to know where she was.

          The man thing in front of her should be terrifying, but maybe she was too tired to be afraid, or still too groggy to care. When her vision finally came back into focus, she looked around. The room was very round. It was small, with only one obvious exit. It felt like a cell of some kind and that realization finally triggered her fear response. She tried to take a deep breath. 

          He stood imposing in front of her, he said nothing, he just watched her. The twi’lek’s words suddenly floated back in her brain.  _We’re dancers, but if they want more, they get more_. She didn’t know why he’d brought her here for that instead of somewhere else on the ship, but she shrugged and reached for his belt. Obviously the situation wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t like she had much choice. She was alone in an unknown place with somebody far stronger than her. Even if she were to escape the cell, she had no idea how to get out of this place or where to go. Who knew how many guards she’d encounter? The best she could hope for at this point was making him happy enough to let her go when it was over.

          “Ahsoka stop,” the thing in the mask rasped suddenly and stepped away. She froze and looked up at him as an icy chill ran through her. So she _had_ been recognized... who was this thing and how did they know her? “That isn’t why I brought you here.”

          She dropped her hands back to her side and swallowed hard. Trying to find the infinite amount of courage she’d once possessed. “What is this place?” she asked finally after waiting for awhile for him to say something else.

          “The only place in the galaxy the Emperor can’t watch my every move.”

          She blinked and looked back at him, studying the mask and trying to figure out who could be behind it. But also, why the Emperor’s loyal servant would need a place to hide from his own master. She desperately wanted to reach out her senses, to know what she’d feel or learn. If they’d recognized her, she must know them. Which meant they must also have known she was a Jedi. But for whatever reason, she didn’t dare. “Who are you?” she asked, knowing he wouldn’t tell her, but wondering how he’d answer it.

          He was quiet for a long time. Which honestly surprised her. She knew very little about him except by reputation. And his reputation was plenty to assume he’d be arrogant. That in person he’d brag of his feats, attempt to scare you to death just by standing there. But after what seemed like eternity he spoke only one word. “Nobody.”

          Why would somebody so powerful, especially a Sith, think of themselves as nothing or nobody important? This was getting weirder by the minute. This thing had recognized her, killed an officer in his own army to take her off the ship to who knew where, but not even to do anything for him except stand there and look pretty? She was getting more and more confused because no scenario she worked out in her head made any sense. 

          “Why did you bring me here?” she asked finally, unsure what he could possibly want from her. If he knew she was once a Jedi, he should be torturing her. If he’d brought her here for the other stuff, why had he stopped her from doing it?

          “Because I didn’t want them to touch you,” he rasped. For a second everything blacked out and she thought she’d been jolted again, but instead of losing consciousness this time, a floodgate of memories swept through her. She felt suddenly weak. There was only one person in the galaxy that was that protective of her, and he’d been dead for fifteen years. Or so she’d thought.

          “Anakin?” Her voice cracked with the emotion she could no longer contain. She wasn’t sure if she was physically shaking or it just felt that way. She had the sudden urge to reach for him. To touch him, to hold him. She needed to feel him, to fill her again.

          “Anakin is dead,” he said harshly before she’d managed to move. “I killed him a long time ago.”

          “No!” She shook her head. “Not all of him!” She did reach for his helmet this time, but he pushed her away. 

          “I told you he’s dead, there’s nothing left!”

          She collapsed in the middle of the room, no longer able to hold herself up. The rush of hope she’d felt had instantly been dashed. Every moment she’d spent mourning him had crashed through her like a tsunami. It felt like she’d just heard the news he’d died all over again. She blinked up at the thing in the mask, her vision blurred as her pain poured from her eyes. “Don’t say that, please don’t say that.”

          He didn’t reach for her or try to comfort her. He just left her there to weep. The sobs rocked her body. _Why Anakin? Why? Why would you become this?_

She cried so long it felt like her insides had twisted into knots; there was nothing but dry gasps left. He still said nothing as though he was delighting in watching her suffer. Perhaps he was. The Anakin she knew would never have let her cry like that without trying to hold her or comfort her. He must be right, Anakin _is_ dead. 

          “No matter what the Jedi taught about attachments, I’ve missed him every day,” she spoke just to fill the silence. She didn’t care what he thought of her. She didn’t care what he’d do to her. “Losing him hurt the most.”

          “If he mattered to you that much, why did you leave him?”

          She didn’t look at him, she just dropped her chin. “I was scared, and hurting,” she admitted. “I couldn’t trust the council anymore. I was afraid if I kept running missions with all my doubts, I’d get him killed. I needed to know who I was without the order, without all of it.”

          “And what did you learn?” he asked.

          “That I could live without the Jedi.” She looked up at his mask. “But not him.” She sat back on her heels. “I was going to tell him that after we finished on Mandalore. I was going to tell him everything.” She started crying again, amazed she had anything left to cry out. “Why didn’t I tell him before he left? Why did I wait? I just never imagined we’d run out of time.” The tears poured out until there was nothing left. He didn’t speak, he just watched her. Even if a tiny piece of Anakin lived inside him, enough to spare her from the others’ grasp, his silence only confirmed his earlier statement. “Please…” she looked up at him finally empty. “Let me see him one last time. Let me tell him what he means to me. Let me say goodbye,” she begged. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

          He didn’t move for a long time, seeming to enjoy her impatience and anxiety. Then finally he sat down on the bench and reached up to his helmet. She stood slowly as he worked the latches apart and lifted off the protective top plate to reveal the skull shape underneath. 

          She watched him in anticipation, unsure exactly what she’d see. Would his familiar face be staring back at her? Though she wasn’t sure if that would make it hurt more or less. Finally she saw a glimpse of pale skin as he lifted the top half off agonizingly slow. Then there were deep ugly scars. Then saggy and puffy skin. Golden eyes. He proceeded to take off the neck guard and her heart clenched in her chest at the ribbed tube visible through his fragile skin. 

          She was in his lap without another thought, the instant he’d dropped the last piece that had been around his head. She was kissing his face a hundred times, maybe even a thousand. He was practically unrecognizable as the man she’d once known but she didn’t care.

          “I’m so sorry!” she cried, a fresh rush of tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I never should have left you. I failed you. I’m sorry for everything.” She held her cheek against his skin. But just like before, he didn’t really react. He didn’t speak, he just let her suffer in silence. Maybe she’d hoped if he removed his mask she could free Anakin. Maybe she’d hoped there would be something more left than what he’d admit to. But she stared at the broken man as acceptance finally pumped through her. Anakin was gone. He wasn’t coming back. “All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me.” She sounded as hollow as she felt. “Everything I did, I did for you. But after everything that happened; being betrayed by one of my friends, running from the people I’d fought for like nothing I’d done for them mattered anymore... I think I lost myself. I lost sight of everything. It felt like I’d been thrown out to sea, no land in sight. It felt like everything I’d ever believed became the waves that were now drowning me. It felt like the people I’d once loved and trusted were now just watching me sink. And for awhile, it felt like everything went dark. I know you’d reached for me, but if I’d taken your hand, I would have pulled you under too. I couldn’t do that. It was bad enough I’d failed you; I couldn’t weigh you down too. I let the wind sweep me away. I hoped I’d find a way to come back up, to find the light again, to come back to you. Everyday just got harder and harder though. I missed you so much, but you seemed to be doing just fine without me. Every news report about you was glowing; you were the star of every channel. And I was just something forgotten that had once basked in your glory. When Bo talked me into calling the Jedi, I was scared but excited. I thought maybe I was finally ready to stand by you one more time. I was going to tell you all the things I hadn’t been able to communicate before I left. I was going to tell you that I needed you. But I wanted to wait until we were victorious. I wanted it to be the cherry on top. I wanted to see you smiling and laughing and then I wanted to tell you how much I missed you and how much I loved you. And then I thought you’d sweep me up in your arms like you used to. That once again everything would be right. But nothing was ever right ever again. You died before I got the chance. I hid like a coward, scared and broken and lost. I went from so sure about everything to sure about nothing, all within a matter of seconds. It never felt like you were truly gone, but I see the truth now.” She dropped her head, tired of talking. Her throat hurt, her eyes hurt, everything hurt. Yet at the same time she felt completely numb, like he could slice his lightsaber right through her and she wouldn’t feel a thing. “Goodbye, Anakin,” she whispered. “I hope that you finally found peace, wherever you are.”

          She got to her feet, drifting back to the center of the room. She was so drained she couldn’t think. Her limbs felt heavy like they’d fall right off because she couldn’t hold them up anymore. 

          “Thank you for letting me say goodbye,” she said finally. “What do you want from me in return?”

          “You were on the ship to entertain the officers, weren’t you?” His voice was barely above a whisper without his suit. “I want to see you dance.”

          She nodded without hesitation. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the sounds she often heard coming from cantinas, searching her memory for a song to dance to. Her movements were slow at first, it was hard to move her frozen joints and sad limbs. She didn’t really think about what she was doing, she just moved to the music she heard in her head. She wasn’t really trying to be sexy, but she’d roll her hips and bend and twist.

          The more she moved, the more she felt the weight lifting and she finally stopped holding back. She’d dance in his memory if she couldn’t dance for him. She’d move like only he was watching, tell him everything she should have said before. For mere moments her brain quieted long enough for her to feel and move with the force. She no longer tried to hide it, she no longer cared. It didn’t matter what happened to her now. She didn’t care if she finished her mission, she didn’t even care if the world ended tomorrow. The only thing she cared about in that moment was the way she moved for him. For Anakin. For the only person she’d ever truly loved.

          She’d never been much of a dancer, but she knew it lived in her. Togruta communicated with their bodies, dance was a big part of that. But dancing at the temple was looked down on, and it hadn’t been long before she’d stopped dancing altogether. But right now, it was kind of freeing. For precious moments she could forget everything that happened and live in the daydream that Anakin was watching her wherever he was. He’d have a smile plastered on his face, watching her with excitement and hunger and need. He’d be proud too. If Rex or Fives or any of the clones were nearby, he’d be elbowing them. Pointing to her like that’s my padawan! 

          But she wasn’t his padawan anymore. She’d left him. She’d hurt him. She’d failed him. The music in her head stopped abruptly and she dropped to one knee gasping for breath. She didn’t deserve to dance for him.

          Once again she was staring at his boots as she watched a hand pass her face and grab her chin. She was practically lifted to her feet in one motion and forced to look up at his face. “I want you to stay with me,” he said. It was a command, and one she was powerless to refuse. Why would she refuse it anyways though? She had nowhere better to be. Nothing she cared enough about to do. And frankly, staying here sounded far better than spending her life on the run or in hiding. 

          She closed her eyes and nodded. She was too numb to think about the consequences or what that would mean. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. She didn’t even care if she was to stay here as his slave. All willingness to fight the empire and their tyranny had faded with the final death of Anakin in her soul. Without him she was nothing but an empty shell. 

          She felt his gloved hands move down her limp arms. He played with her palms for a moment and then put his hands on her waist. She didn’t really think or react while he moved his hands up and down her body. He could have his way with her if he wanted. She didn’t care. 

          He reached his arms around her back and unzipped her top, pulling it off her arms and throwing it away. She stood their exposed, too numb to be ashamed or scared. She closed her eyes as she imagined what he might do next but instead of any of the things she’d expected, he pressed his right ear between her breasts. Then he wrapped his arms behind her, holding her there, or himself up against her. Was he listening to her heartbeat? What was he thinking? She wasn’t exactly sure how to react to that so for awhile she just kept her arms at her side.

          _Maybe she could learn to love Vader_. It was a weird thought, and she wasn’t sure where it had come from or how long he’d had his head there before it had come to mind. Though she no longer knew what love really meant or if it was possible for her to love again, since she’d been too far removed from contact for too long. But before she could change her mind, she slid her hands up and held his head there, stroking it as one might a child. The texture of his scars beneath her fingers was rough and callous, but she continued to move across them. She wasn’t sure if it was a comforting move, or instinctual or even why she was touching him to begin with, but he made no move to stop her.

          She closed her eyes and let him rest there, the intimacy of the moment lost in the numb feeling that had settled deep inside her chest. When the twi’lek had first mentioned that there’d be more involved in entertaining them, she hadn’t liked the idea of being naked in front of greedy men that cared not at all for their feelings, boundaries or needs. So it was strange to her that despite his face being so close to a part of herself she never shared, there was none of the nervousness or disgust she’d felt earlier.

          After a long time, ages it seemed like, he finally lifted his head, grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her over to the bench. There he unhooked her belt and she watched her skirt absentmindedly as it fell away, leaving her completely naked in front of a man she hardly knew. Worse yet, the man that had killed the only person she’d truly loved. But she felt no shyness or fear. Whatever he did to her now couldn’t hurt her anymore.

          She watched him blankly as he started to undress himself too. Other than helping him unhook the vest from the strange electrical connections that stuck a little way out of his chest, she did nothing but watch. Once he too was completely naked, he gestured for her to lay down and she obeyed, lying flat on her back and staring up at the rounded ceiling of the weird stuffy room.

          He moved so he was over her. He pushed her lekku off to each side to get them out of the way, then he spread her legs. She expected to feel something inside her, but instead he spread his weight over top her and lowered himself down, maximizing the amount of his skin that was touching hers. She felt the pressure of his crusty scars press into her skin but didn’t really care. Again, he rested his head back between her breasts, slid his mechanical arms under hers on either side of her head and laid there as though this was the most normal thing in the world.

          He wasn’t exactly heavy, but it took her a few minutes to adjust her breathing to compensate for his weight. She wondered why none of this bothered her. Was she still in shock from the confirmation of her longest standing question? Had she just accepted this was her life now, resigned to be whatever he expected her to be? Or did some part of her still cling to the tiniest piece of Anakin that might still live in him? For a Sith Lord, the man on top of her now resembled none of the ones she’d faced during the war. Had he chosen this life willingly or been forced into it? Was he as empty as she felt now?

          She studied the top of his head and then she realized he’d fallen asleep. Maybe comfort came in many forms. She thought about the strange way he’d touched her. There’d been need in it, but not specifically sexual needs. In fact, now that she thought about it, it seemed oddly reminiscent of a way a baby would seek comfort from their mother. The Anakin she’d known might be gone; in looks, personality and light, but his needs still lived in this man. And maybe that was why she felt no fear at being naked in front of him or being touched by him.

          She felt only Anakin when he did. Anakin in the way he’d look at her. Anakin in the way he touched her. Anakin in the way he held her. Anakin in the possessive way he commanded her to stay. And if those parts were Anakin, then she, since she’d already agreed to stay, would take care of those needs. It was all she had left to live for at this point.

          She wrapped her arms around his back and kissed the top of his head. “You’re stuck with me,” she whispered.

         

**Author's Note:**

> “Skin hunger” is a psychological and physiological need for touch and interaction. Lack of human contact (in the case of Star Wars probably contact with any other sentient being), can make one miserable, lonely or ill. Though sometimes associated with sex, it’s more often a craving for nonsexual skin-to-skin contact, like a baby’s need to touch their mother’s skin.
> 
> It’s something I often think about when it comes to Vader because all throughout the shows, books and movies, it’s very clear that Anakin is a tactile person. He often needs to touch people. So, going from a loving mother to the cold world of the Jedi was probably insanely tough for him. Which is probably why we see him always touching somebody especially in TCW (most often Ahsoka, ironically). After being put in the Vader suit, the sheer deprivation of human (skin) contact, was probably the single most painful source of suffering he endured, followed of course by isolation and endless memories. Hence why a lot of my VadFul stories tend to center around touch and need. In this one I decided to focus more on the nonsexual version but is still just as important.
> 
> Also I'm working on drawing her in the outfit I imagined, so keep an eye on my instagram @jenniferzanzig or my deviantart.com/jairyn which I hope to post in the next couple days :) (It's pretty!)


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